Thankfully, I remembered to pick up the oral contrast ahead of time. I headed to the hospital with my stomach full of the water/oral contrast solution and more bottles of water for the next two doses of the contrast.
As I drove, I prayed. I thanked God for loving me. I thanked God for always being with me. Then, I had the thought to pray, "Please, help me not to 'read' the CT tech's body language." The CT techs are not supposed to tell the patients the results of the scan (big lawsuit) - only the doctors can do that. They try their best not to reveal anything, but they are human. They feel, and as a result, you can "feel" what the results are. The thing is that until you hear from the doctor, you aren't 100% sure. That means days of worrying for something that you are not completely sure of.
On this day, I asked God to help me not to read the tech so that I could enjoy the week. And, that is what He did. I couldn't read the techs. It was nice to walk out of the hospital not knowing.
The week was CRAZY with activity that was out of my control. I didn't hear from my oncologist, and I decided not to call her. The CT was on Monday, and I was going to see her on Friday. By Thursday, I started to waver about calling her. What if it was bad news? I didn't want to come out bawling from her office or while driving home. What to do? What to do? I ended up not calling.
When I was face to face with Dr. K, we talked about our families and then she told me. The cancer in my liver was stable. What does that mean? It means that it has not spread or grown larger or gotten smaller. From her perspective, that means that the chemo has been working and that we can continue to use it (three more months). Some of the tumor markers in my blood have also gone down which is always welcome. Hearing the news was like a fresh, island breeze to my soul.
Thank You, Lord. My life is in Your hands. You know better than I.
