Off Week

I cannot express the happiness that comes when your physical ailments and maladies hit the road. There was such excitement in knowing that I didn't have to take the Xeloda for a week. I felt so much more energy, I could eat more things, I could stand more smells, I could drink water again, the sores on my feet didn't hurt...

There was this urgency to get as much done as possible. I tried to switch out my kids summer clothes for their fall clothes, do several loads of laundry in one day, meet people, clean the floors, vacuum... but then I realized that I was doing too much. Pushing myself too hard. This body is not the same. Exhaustion would catch up with me. I would eat a meal thinking that it would give me more energy but it didn't help. My speech got slurred, answering questions took too much energy, couldn't keep my eyes open, just wanted to lay down.

It is all about pacing. I'm still trying to pace myself with this new body of mine.


Oh yeah, that thing on my outer arm, near my armpit, seems to be a spot like those that are supposed to form on my feet. The nurse had never seen them form in the arm area. She actually called another nurse to take a look at it. I have been putting lotion on it, and the time off of the Xeloda seems to be helping it go down. Not very pretty. Thankfully, its not little, round spots. That, my friends, would freak me out.

The Weirdest Thing

You would think that I would lose some (or all) hair during chemotherapy. It is the expected thing, right? After hearing from Dr. K that I would have to undergo chemo, I braced myself to expect to lose all my hair. It isn't an easy thing for a woman. It isn't an easy thing for a man. I cannot tell you how thankful I was to hear that hair loss with Xeloda is not very common. I had to ask the oncologist and the nurse several times before that fact got processed in my mind. Who would have known? God's grace once again!

As I started taking the Xeloda, I had to stop taking my daily hormone, cancer drug: Letrozole (Femara). This is where is gets really weird. I am experiencing less hair loss while taking the Xeloda than when I was taking Letrozole. I couldn't believe it at first. As I showered, blow dried, or brushed my hair, not as much hair fell out. No clumps. I thought that it was some freak thing - for the day, but, it continued like that. Those baby hairs that had been trying to grow back and kept falling back out, now, have a chance to grow!

All these months on the Letrozole, this hair loss had been unexplained. I visited my endocrinologist because I had thought that it might have been due to my thryroidectomy. Nope. Couldn't find anything in my blood levels or exam. I asked my oncologist and she couldn't find any explanation either. There is relief in finding the answer to your perplexity.

I am so thankful to God for this grace that has been given. Time and time again, I see His hand in this life of mine. I am still overwhelmed by the fact that He chooses to show such grace to such a sinner as me.

Thursday, Thursday, Yeah!

I cannot tell you how much I was waiting for Thursday to come. I was counting down the days like a little kid counting down to his/her birthday. Thursday was the last day of my second cycle on Xeloda (an oral chemo drug). Before taking my meds, I said a prayer, like I usually do. After taking them, I was jumping up and down and throwing my hands in the air.

The last week "off" the meds was so nice. I could eat most foods again and had so much more energy. I am praying for the same type of "relief" this week.

You wonder if things will ever be normal again with your body. My hands are starting to hurt and it is getting a little more painful to walk. I have brown spots all over my face, hands, feet, and body. I actually got some red, dry patches near the outer parts of armpits. They look like the spots that are supposed to form on my hands and feet as you continue the Xeloda. I had to call the nurse because the area is really itchy and is starting to feel sore/hurt a bit. My nurse said that she has never seen that reaction in that area of the body, so I have to go see her today. Hopefully, she can tell me what it is and help me to manage it.

I broke down and started taking the Prilosec for my acidic pit of a stomach. This has helped a lot with my stomach and the burning in the back of my throat. Although I always feel like I just ate a Halls cough drop. I'm also noticing an increasing problem with diarrhea, which is another side effect. I had my husband get Immodium for me, but I haven't gotten myself to take it yet. My nurse will probably get very frustrated with me, for not taking it, but you know me... Maybe tomorrow, but this time it might really have to be because of the increasing uncomfortableness and unpredictability of the matter.

There was continued frustration with food during this second cycle. I craved red meat one week, and then hated it the next. I felt extremely refreshed with watermelon one week, and then was repulsed by the thought of it the next. My poor husband keeps asking me what I want to eat and all I can say is: "I don't know." I abhor certain smells that used to make me go "Yum!" I have always been a water drinker but now I need to force myself to drink it because it makes me think of the meds which makes me feel queasy. I find something to eat and then wonder if I will abhor that food the next day. Tiring? Pray for my husband and children.

But despite all of the physical discomfort, I am continually reminded of how blessed I am to be able to take oral chemo pills vs. intravenous chemotherapy. There are so many who have gone ahead of me and have suffered so much more physical pain. God has placed many around me. That gives me perspective and strength. Sometimes my eyes do get cloudy and I stray a bit from this, but God always brings me back ever so gently and lovingly.

Thank You, Jesus.