I Remember You

When we first moved to Chicago from Argentina, we went to church for the first time. There weren't as many Koreans living in Chicago at that time, so church was a central meeting place. People came to make connections, find out information about the area, and to be comforted by other Korean speakers. Our family first went with those intentions, but God had other plans.

It was at this church that I met this young mom. She had three children: a girl and two boys. She was always busy with those children but she was always calm. Once in a while, I would run into her because my parents were in a Bible study or some meeting.

I remember this mom because she always had a kind face. She never seemed flustered. Her daughter, who was the oldest, always had some type of caste on. She had some type of disorder that caused her bones to break easily. I remember the little girl limping around with her caste(s).

One day, this mom gave me a small bag of candy. I remember. I felt so happy that she singled me out and gave it to me. Back then, people didn't have bags of candy at home. You didn't buy a container of 40 packs of candy at Costco. You bought one bag at a time. That candy was a treasure to me. I think that I might have even kept the wrapper for a while, just to remember.

My mind gets foggy, but then I heard that that mom was sick. Very sick. And then she was gone. She had died, leaving her husband and three young children. I remember being really sad and remembering how kind she had been to me.

I never forgot about her.

Over the years, I've asked my mom about the father and children. I heard that he became a pastor and never remarried. The children are all grown up now. I've wanted to write to them. I've wanted to paint a beautiful picture of their mom. I'm not even sure if they have any recollection of their mom. They were so young.

Her smile. Her kindness. Her peaceful and calm face.


I still remember her.

Viruses and A Sour Stomach

The week off of the Xeloda was so nice. I didn't have to worry about any nausea. My sense of smell wasn't as sensitive. I could look at certain foods and not get grossed out. I even ate some Korean food. I could even drink water again without having to think twice about it.

Last Friday, I started my second cycle of the Xeloda. I wasn't sure how my body would react the second time, so I went into it with some fear. Memories of the first week of my first cycle loomed over me. Would my body go into nausea/fatigue mode and then ease up during the second week?

The first day went well. The second day went well, so did the third and the fourth. I was getting things accomplished and running errands. Then, it hit. My stomach went sour or shall I say that it became an acidic pit of trouble. I felt like the back of my throat was radioactive and that I might spew out a few things. Thankfully, it didn't.

On top of this, this never ending virus won't leave our house. My oldest (A1) had it, my husband had it, my daughter (A2) had it and the lymph nodes on her neck got enlarged, my youngest (A3) had it, and I had it with each of my children... The first two times weren't as bad, but this time it is a little stronger (headache/hot flashes/runny nose/needing sleep). Thankfully, no fever. I don't get fevers. My husband gets fevers, but I never really did. One of those interesting facts about me.

But, please pray.

Wonderful Week

My week off of Xeloda was wonderful. The nausea was gone. The funny taste in my mouth was mostly gone. We had an in-church family retreat. My energy levels were higher. My husband asked me to share my life story on the last day of the retreat. I could eat (most things) without having to think twice about it.

I did become aware of some mouth sores but they are manageable. My hands feel better. I had some diarrhea, but it is better.

Yesterday, I had to go to Dr. K's office to check my blood levels and to see what symptoms I was experiencing. My blood levels are good but my white cell count is going down-as expected. But, it is good enough for me to continue my treatment. My doctor asked me about the nausea and kind of chastised me for not taking the prescription (anti-psychotic, schizophrenia) medication she had prescribed. I still prefer to eat ginger candy.

My nurse (I have an assigned nurse) urged me to try Prilosec (if I wasn't going to take the anti-psychotic drug) for the nausea. I guess acid builds up in your stomach during the chemo (which explains my aversion to acidic foods). She said that some people said that that helped. Oh yeah, and Immodium for the diarrhea. BUT, you know me, I would like to try eating more bananas first.

I got the second shipment of Xeloda for this next cycle. Friday is the big day. Pray - please. I believe that God has used your prayers to lift me up in so many ways.

Here is a song that we sang during the retreat. It keeps resonating in my heart. It is an old song made new.

by AngelofLordJesus