One Year Blogiversary!

Today is the one year anniversary of this blog! One year ago, I was recovering from my surgery and started writing this blog. I had tried for so long to start a blog and was finally able to! I wanted to keep everyone up to date on my condition and recovery. I look back on that time and think about how crazy I was. I should have been resting some more, but instead I started writing and making snack mix!

Thank you so much for reading this blog. It means a lot to me that so many of you take the time to read what I have written. I have really enjoyed writing, taking pictures, and writing. I still can't believe that I have been maintaining a blog for this long! It has been a blessing and an outlet for me.

One very interesting tidbit is that the most popular blog post has been the one titled, "Overwhelmed." I wrote it thanking all those people who had been so kind and generous to our family during those crazy days after the surgery. But, I believe that random people typed that word on their computers hoping to find... something. Hoping that they might get the answer they were looking for by typing it on their computer search engines. I am thinking of writing some blog posts titled, "Desperation" or "Loneliness" so that people who are feeling those things can be redirected to the One who can heal their desperate or lonely or broken heart.

On another note, today is also my hubby's birthday! He grew up in a family where they never celebrated birthdays. He never got presents or a cake for his birthday. Never. That is why when we were dating, he passed my birthday by. I was steaming mad and so embarrassed-all the girls at the dorm kept asking me what he had gotten me. He wasn't even around. He had gone to a friend's house in another town. I thought that he was going to surprise me, but he never did. Okay, a day later he did when he realized how mad I was. I still have that scarf. It reminds me of that time and how important it is to know your loved one's family culture.

Happy birthday, Hubby! I still love you even though you passed by my first birthday because you weren't used to celebrating birthdays because your family never did!

P.O.N.

For the past few weeks that feeling has creeped up on me again. That feeling of being paralyzed, overwhelmed, and non-productive. I haven't been able to function. Just been out of it. There are so many things to do! They are always at the back of my mind, but I just can't seem to get myself to do them. Including this blog.

Just... want... to... go... under... a... blanket... and... sleep... until... everything... is... ok.

But, I can't. So I need some focused time with Jesus. He can help me. My only hope in this world.

by yodiyodiyodiyo

Already

It is hard to believe that this Saturday will be the one year anniversary of my mastectomy / thyroidectomy. For the past few weeks, I have been constantly reminded of the 17th of November.


There are so many memories...

Multiple surgeons working together.

Seven hour surgery.

Morphine. Spinning and spinning and throwing up.

Bandaged neck that made me feel like I was going to choke.

The bruises. Even in unexpected places.

Noise and smell sensitivities.

Whispering.

The look on my children's faces when they came to the hospital for the first time.


I am having difficulty verbalizing all my feelings about that time.

Will have to write again because there so many more things I want to write.

There's Something About Moni

Last week there were two incidents. The first occurred at the weekly Bible study that I am involved in. This particular week, it was my groups turn to help in the children's ministry. I was assigned to the preschool classroom. Basically, I went into the classroom and helped the teachers with the various activities. The first incident happened at the end of the class, one of the sweet, little girls pointed to my face and asked, "What is that?" She kind of caught me off guard.

Then, two or three days later, there was another incident. My friend's boy asked to sit on my lap. He needed some hugging. He hugged and snuggled. Then, he looked at me and asked, "What is that?" He pointed to my face.

What was the little girl pointing at? What was my friend's boy pointing at? My jum, of course. Is the jum on my face too big? Or, is it getting bigger? I was getting a little paranoid.

So I asked A3, "Do you think Mommy should get this jum removed?"
A3 quickly replied, "No, Mommy. Keep it!" He likes it. Really, really.

I told my husband about the curiosity children seem to have towards my jum... told him all the details of these two incidents. Then, I asked him, "Do you think that I should have this jum removed?"

My hubby said, "No, I liked that about you when we met." He likes jums. Really, really. Either way, good answer.

It Does Matter

More and more doctors are speaking out, and risking being marginalized in the medical community. Food and the products that we use do make a difference to our health. Many who are healthy just laugh at the notion, but when you are sick, you start looking at things from a different perspective. Once again, I ask that you read up on these things. And, don't wait until you're sick.

Interview of Margaret Cuomo, MD: Cancer Research Has Failed

And yes, she is the sister of the governor of New York.

Vertigo and Sore Shoulders

Vertigo must love me. It is still with me. It will be 5 weeks on Tuesday. So thankful that is a lot, lot better, but I still have to be careful. Sometimes, I get the occasional, nauseating, dizzy spell, but it is so much better. My oncologist wrote a referral to see the physical therapist. That seems to be the only way to get things back into those little, inner ear tubes so that you can be balanced again. I have to confess that I have been putting it off a bit because I don't want to throw up in one of those physical therapy sessions (I've heard stories). Pray for me! Please!

My husband came back, and then my body lost all energy. The tiredness of the week before caught up with me. The day after he came back, I slept past 9 a.m. Okay, I woke up here a there but I didn't get out of bed until past 9 a.m. Even then, I was still exhausted. It is slowly getting better.

I did make a mistake last week... one of hundreds actually. While my friend was taking her two boys out of their car seats, I told her that I would hold her one year old. After a minute or two, I could feel my shoulders being pulled from their sockets. Okay, maybe not so dramatic, but I felt a very uncomfortable and a bit painful pull on my shoulders. When I tried to put "R" down so that I could walk her inside the building, she wrapped her legs around me. She wouldn't let go... even when another friend tried to help. I quickly proceeded into the building so that I could sit down with "R" so that the pressure would be taken from my shoulders. I got to a seat, but the damage was done.

My body is not what it used to be.

This is such a difficult realization to come to.

Just Tired

For the past ten days, my husband has been out of town. I was so glad that he had this opportunity to rest and spend focused time with God. We sent him off with smiles and blessings.

Then, reality set in.

I cannot begin to tell you about all the activities that came up during that first week. A forgotten field trip. A church trick-or-treat alternative party. Two doctors' appointments. Homeschool co-op. Not to mention all the other activities my children participate in. My husband would call me to see how things were going and I would just tear up. 

God was so good in sending so many people with food. I didn't even have to ask. He knew that I needed that extra help. I just had to warm things up and feed my children. That helped me so much! 

There are times when everything comes at me like a tidal wave of activity. This was one of those times. Oh, the stories that I could tell...

But, today... my husband is coming back!

Thank You, Lord!

What Do You Do With Broken Dreams? Part V

What Do You Do With Broken Dreams? Part I
What Do You Do With Broken Dreams? Part II

What Do You Do With Broken Dreams? Part III

What Do You Do With Broken Dreams? Part IV

But then my cancer.

What do you do when you have a lifelong dream, and you come to the realization that it cannot be?

I cried. I mourned. I was really confused.

Hadn't it been God who had given me those desires?

Hadn't it been God who had led me down that path?

Hadn't it been God who had broken my heart with those issues?

Now what?

I wish I had an answer, but I don't.

I feel as if a door has been closed on a part of my life that I had waited for with great anticipation. A door that I desperately want to open now, but can't.

So, I wait. I wait for Him to show me. I wait for Him to speak.

I know that all things/situations can be used for His glory.

I know that He can turn an impossible situation into one that is possible.

This is my comfort.