Friday, February 10, 2012

Before My Cancer

I became fascinated with triathlons a few years back. It was around the time when all the channels went digital and we got the signal for an all sports channel. I began watching triathlons like they were Food Network cooking shows - one of the reasons why we can't have cable in this home. I would always check to see if one was on.

In the comfort of my home, on the couch, covered in a fleece blanket, I would watch the athletes swim, bicycle, and run like there was no tomorrow. My face would wince and get really tired with them. Seriously. I would eat a bowl of ice cream and wonder how the athletes could get by with sports drinks and that gel stuff they would squish into their mouths. It was all craziness to me!

I would even cry... a lot! The training, endurance, and the will to complete the race was overwhelming. One Iron Man Triathlon (in Hawaii), had athletes who were in their 70s, a man with ALS, a woman with a prosthetic leg... I couldn't comprehend how the athletes did it...

Then, I realized that the past few years of my life had felt like I was in a triathlon. There had been many things that had happened that I had to "swim" through, even though I hate swimming and it makes me super duper tired. There had been situations that I had "biked" through even though my back hurt and I had really bad cramps - everywhere! There had been trials that I had "run" through even though I had no more strength, and I had just wanted to collapse. There are no words to express (can't talk about it either) the deep valleys of ministry. No one understands. No one would believe. But Jesus knows...

I cannot tell you how many times I have wanted to give up these past few years, but God wouldn't let me. He kept making me read His Word, telling me to keep going. He kept sending people to run along side of me. He kept showing me that I was not alone. What else could I do but just keep going?

Then, I got my cancer diagnosis and relief came...

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