Saturday, December 3, 2011

Pain Meds

(Saturday morning. Looking quite awake.)

One of the harshest realities of my surgery was realizing that pain meds don't like me. They really don't. I had a reaction to Vicodin when I had A1 (my oldest) eleven years ago, so I couldn't take it or any other drug in the same "family." The pain meds that had worked when I had A2 (my daughter) and A3 (my youngest son) have been taken off the market. That was a little alarming to hear!

This time, they gave me morphine. It was not nice to me, at all. I do not like morphine. I couldn't open my eyes because everything was spinning. They also gave me a drug to stop the didn't work. I threw up the little water, Italian ice, and vegetable broth that I had consumed. It just wasn't a pretty picture. I couldn't eat from Wednesday night (the night before my surgery) until Saturday morning (when I stopped taking the pain meds). All my body had was an IV and drugs.

I was sensitive to sound, smells, and opening my eyes. I was SENSITIVE. I didn't like sound, so people were whispering. I could smell perfumes and fragrances in an intense way. Talking was also very difficult. I had no energy, voice, or breath to talk. I could only speak a minimal amount of words.

Early Saturday morning, it hit me that I needed to stop taking the pain meds to feel better. I figured that it was better to feel pain than to feel nausea and dizziness. That was the day that the "clouds parted." The dizziness started to go away. I was starving and was able to eat some jjuk (congee) and keep it down. Once I ate, I started to get more energy. I just wanted to go home.

My parents brought my children to the hospital on Saturday for the first time. Prior to that, I had not wanted them to see me so sick. They walked in quietly with such serious faces. Seeing them made me cry. Cry because I had missed them so much. Cry like the first time I heard them cry when they were born. Cry like a mom who knows the worry each of them must not have been able to express those days that mommy was in the hospital.

1 comment:

  1. Monica...Soo just gave me your blog info. I had no idea... I'm encouraged by your faith and strength. I look forward to reading more about your journey... praying for you! Elvira